17 Oct 2010

Lambeth Council Housing3

the wall insulation lambeth have just done - its coming thru the walls into my flat. lambeth are so caring about how their tenants live....

Lambeth Council Housing2

more examples of how nice my flat is

Lambeth Council Housing

this is how i have been expected to live since 2001/2, the bathroom is a health hazard and now the new wall insulation has come thru into my flat

15 Oct 2010

lambeth council


9 Oct 2010


i am trying to find some peace at the moment, trying to get on with living, am struggling but need so brightness and colour to lift my spirits

4 Oct 2010

monday 4th oct

i am still struggling to deal with events, am not coping well at all. my inner strength seems to have left me. life goes on, i know, and i have to try to find a job in the midst of this nightmare or risk loosing my state benefits. there is no compassion from the employment ppl, just pressure to find a job.
how can i look for a job or go for an interview when all i am doing is reliving my nightmare?
i am dreading the trial, and yet i know i have to do it-i have to try and find out WHY? why did he do this, why did he destroy me?
i am angry at myself for feeling like this, surely i should be strong and full of determination to fight back, i am not tho. i lay awake all night reliving that night, it just wont stop. a few minutes peace in the day then am back in that place again.
all these years i have longed for death so i can just have peace, i am too weak to kill myself, i dont even have the courage to do that.
all i can hope for is that it will finally give me closure.

2 Oct 2010

update to earlier post

i wrote about an incident earlier in which i was attacked in my flat 20 yrs ago. this week the police informed me they now have a suspect. i am devestated and its made me feel vulnerable and as if it happened yesterday.
i am trying to prepare myself for the court ordeal which is not going to be easy. this man ruined my life and destroyed me as a person, i have to go to court so i can get some closure. i have received some wonderful support from friends which is a great comfort. living alone has made it very hard to cope with, i have been curled on the floor shaking and sobbing. i know this will pass and i know i will survive.
there are some truly wicked and evil ppl in this world and it was my misfortune to cross paths with one.
i am calmer today, maybe due to the diazepan the doctor gave me, but also maybe coz i am over the initial shock. 20 yrs is a long time to wait for justice but i am hopeful that my time has finally come.